And thus “gay” was added to my search bar. I just wanted to feel something to feel good.Īfter previewing hundreds of videos I came to understand what worked for me and what didn’t. Learning about sex was the last thing on my mind. I had all this pent up sexual energy and my midnight search escapades felt too good to stop. The only bit of wiggle room I could find was matters of personal pleasure.Īround the age of 13 I gave into the urge to explore porn. So when it came to dating and sex, I circumvented the hell out of that s**t. Anything that contextualised women as sexual made me freeze up like a kid getting caught sneaking a midnight slice of cake. For me this manifested as “your fav”, an avoidant mentality and action plan. Living a lonely life that conflicts with the desires of your body, mind and soul. For most queers, growing up closeted creates an internal tension.
